


We'll Make It Out of This One Alive

by ionik



Series: Snowbaz Winter 2019 [7]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Communication, Communication Failure, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV First Person, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Please see a professional for your mental health, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21710578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ionik/pseuds/ionik
Summary: Baz and Simon interacting on the flight after Wayward Son's ending.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Snowbaz Winter 2019 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559734
Kudos: 41





	We'll Make It Out of This One Alive

**Author's Note:**

> My first over-1k-fic in this series ! I have a lot of feelings about Wayward Son
> 
> Title from Revolution Lover by Left at London

**Baz**

Bunce doesn’t even know what’s going on at Watford. Professor Bunce, Mitali, had left multiple voicemails asking about her location and for her to hurry home. No one picked up when Penelope called her entire family. We’re on the first plane to London. I used my card to pay for the tickets. If my family is in trouble they won’t care what I use my money on. So I bought us First Class. We all need the luxury now. After days spent sitting in an uncomfortable car seat, sleeping in motels, and being held semi-captive by a centuries-old vampire king, I need to be able to stretch my legs. And Simon needs to be able to stretch his wings. Bunce’s spell only worked for ten minutes when she tried it on him in the car on the way to the airport. In order to go through security, she spelled his wings just before we went through the metal detector. They popped back out while walking through the perfume section of the tax-free shop. My quick reflexes and a “Stay Put” were all that prevented him from being soaked in Cologne, overpriced by even my standards.

Wellbelove and the Normal, Shepard, are next to each other. I think Agatha is too put-off by the past week to want to sit next to anyone Magical, or Simon. Shepard is intrigued by her and I recognise the look in his eyes when he looks at her. Wellbelove is well aware of her effects on people, but she’s engaging in small talk with him. Their voices are low, almost a murmur, but I can pick up that they’re talking about Agatha’s connection with horses. I guess that’s what Shepard would latch on to, being someone who befriends every magical creature no matter friend or foe.

I’m sitting next to Simon. When we boarded, Bunce looked at our tickets and then claimed the seat that would be next to a stranger. Then Wellbelove practically dragged Shepard into the seat next to her. There’s room between Simon and I, two full arm rests separating our bodies, but I feel closer to him now than I have in days. Than I have since we were together in the truck bed. Wind whipping over us, Simon radiating heat against my skin and keeping out the cold trying to sneak through bdjdndk

We’ve been close, physically. But I’d rather not think about that, right now.

I wait until he finishes yet another bad action film.

“Simon,” I say, turning my head towards him. His eyes are sunken and underlined by dark circles. His hair is matted against his forehead. His tail lies limp pressed between his thigh and the armrest on the aisle side. He took the seat to have more room for his wings to be spread out. I spelled them invisible when he realised having them hidden away under his coat for eight hours would be infinitely more uncomfortable than letting me use magic on him. He still grimaced when I cast  _ These aren’t the droids you’re looking for _ . I would have cast  _ Nothing to see here _ on him just to get a reaction,  _ any _ reaction out of him, but Bunce’s glare almost set me aflame when she concluded I was thinking about it. Maybe it was for the best. I don’t really want to increase the size of the chasm between us, no matter how much I want the fire back in his eyes. Maybe he’ll still be the one to off me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he all of a sudden were to siphon magic out of the world around him once more. And one day he would go off, and sparks would ignite across his skin. He’d be a sun I would stand too close to, because I can’t help but gravitate towards him. And I’d go up in flames, then.

“Simon,” I repeat. He’s not looking at me, but I can see he heard me in the way his hands are slightly clenched. Getting ready for a fight. But as I say his name the second time, he deflates. He’s tired. I’m tired, too.

“I don’t want to break up with you,” he mutters. I think he meant for it to be inaudible, because when he turns to me, he must see some kind of reaction on my face that makes him look even more uncomfortable.  _ Merlin _ , when did conversation between us become this stilted?

“What?” I say, dumbfounded. I knew he wanted to break up with me, that Bunce had saved me twice now from the horrible fate of Simon goring my heart with that confession.

“I don’t want to break up with you, Baz.”

“Where is this coming from?” Nice work, Baz. Accuse him before you listen. I see him look down and swallow. My eyes are fixated on his Adam’s apple. It’s better than making eye contact.

“Don’t… I just… I don’t think we should be together,” he says and wow, that’s something I never wanted to hear. I clear my throat to mask the whimper I almost let out. Crowley, I’m pathetic.

“Not like that, I do think… I do like you, Baz. But I can’t do this. I can’t be your happily ever after. I can’t even be your happily ever  _ now _ . I’ve been of no help, I fucked everything up and got us into the mess with -  _ him _ -. I can’t be the one for you, because you deserve so much better than I can give you. But I don’t want to break up with you, because I’m selfish, and I’m nothing without you. You’re the only thing keeping me sane.”

I look back up at his eyes. He’s staring past me.

“I don’t want you to break up with me,” I rush out. “I… I don’t know what to say. We just got out of one situation alive, and now we’re heading straight into possible death. Again.”

“We’ll make it out of this one alive. We always do.”

“Please, can we wait? We need to really talk. Properly. I can’t right now,” I ask him.  _ Please don’t leave me _ , I don’t say.

“Please don’t leave me,” I tell him anyways. It’s too late for my pride to be salvaged.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” he assures me. Our eyes meet.

“We’ll talk.”

And this time, I think I believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE don't put all your value in one person. PLEASE communicate. PLEASE get professional help if your mental health is suffering
> 
> thanks for reading <3


End file.
